SUPER Rant: Humpty Dumpty Portable is Falling Down

There was no way I could have spent my money on a console which doesn’t have much of a future, right? Well, I didn’t think that it was possible too – until now. I am staring at the grim reality – the very grim reality of what the PSP has to offer in the future – that is, in terms of software. In fact, I think that there isn’t a more appropriate word to describe the PSP games line-up for the forthcoming months than this: Pathetic – it is in every way disappointing and the situation doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

Alright, let’s get things straight first: I bought the PSP because I wanted to play Medal of Honor Heroes 2, God of War: Chains of Olympus, FlatOut: Head On, and some of the fighting games. I was expecting the arrival of more exciting PSP games within the immediate year and beyond. Sure, there are indeed such titles – Vahalla Knights 2, Destroy All Humans: Big Willy Unleashed and one my most highly-anticipated PSP titles, Resistance: Retribution, but for most parts, the PSP software line-up is just dismal.

During Sony’s press conference at the recently concluded E3 2008, much attention was dedicated to the PS2, PS3 and PSN. Why? Simple. There was nothing to show for the PSP – nothing that would make anyone go, “Yay!” And when the time came for Sony to show its software line-up for the PSP, it showed – but the games it showed were ridiculously embarrassing for a portable of such calibre.

Why in the world was Sony showing so many crappy casual titles! Hey, I didn’t buy the PSP to play some casual crapfest – and even if I wanted to play those rubbish, I would have gone to the DS – you know, I can’t stress how many of those casual bullshit the DS has. Oh, great, we have LocoRoco 2, Super Stardust Portable, Lego Batman: The Videogame, Patapon 2! Am I going to be interested in any of those casual titles? No! Okay, the worst is yet to come – BUZZ! Master Quiz. Awesome, so there’s going to be a quiz game on the PSP! I mean, WTF is that! This is the PSP, not a DS or Wii. Heck, look at the trailer for BUZZ! Master Quiz! It is even imitating what Nintendo and other third-party publishers usually do to promote their casual DS and Wii titles. Are you telling me that those are all the MOST exciting games the PSP has in the pipeline!

YES! Those are the most exciting titles the PSP has to offer! Oh wait, there’s still Madden NFL 09 and NBA 09 The Inside. Alright, so another 2 EA recycled games that I can get on just about any other platform. Anyway, I have never been interested in sports games, and will never be, so those 2 games are ignorable.

In fact, the only really good thing to come out of Sony showing for the PSP was Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, and even that is a multi-platform game. WHAT I want are PSP titles that are hardcore (casual crap can shoo off to the DS, please), and unique (not some multi-platform title that I can get anywhere else) – something like God of War: Chains of Olympus.

I mean, WTF IS SONY THINKING! Turning the PSP into a DS Lite? Turning the PSP into a Wii?

As much as I like to fault the DS for its several crapfest, I still appreciate it for its many gems. Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword is a fine example of what a DS game should be like: It is unique, it uses the DS in creative ways, it pushes the DS to its limit – and most important of all, it offers what is ONLY possible on the DS, and not on any other platform.

SONY SHOULD BE THINKING IN THIS WAY – to introduce a PSP game that is unique, uses the PSP in creative ways, pushes the PSP to its limit and if possible, make that a game that is ONLY achievable on the PSP. Instead, Sony is planning to imitate Nintendo with its PSP, thinking that it can capture the market with Nintendo’s way.

Again, WTF IS SONY THINKING! How is it going to capture the market when even developers are losing confidence in the PSP? Don’t believe me? Call of Duty 4 and Call of Duty: World at War are possible on the DS, but not on the PSP? Assassin’s Creed is possible on the DS, but not on the PSP? 007: Quantum of Solace is possible on the DS, but not on the PSP? As you can see, developers are leaving the PSP on the roadside to rot. And Sony isn’t going to help the PSP by trying to imitate Nintendo and sending the PSP into an identity crisis.

Things are certainly not looking good. A check on IGN’s PSP channel shows that there hasn’t been any significant updates since E3 2008 ended – in fact, the editors at IGN are struggling to update the PSP channel with new content daily. Why? There AIN’T ANYTHING ON THE PSP!

OMG! This year’s not the year for PSP. No, it is not, and I don’t think next year will be either. Hopefully, more promising titles do get announced in the near future. For now, I am counting down the days to Resistance: Retribution.

(NOTE: Valkyria Chronicles was a mistake made by Sony. It is a PS3 game, and not a PSP game, and there hasn't been any plans to bring it to the PSP.)